Bittersweet Memories
by ifanspazz
Summary: Kain is sick of feeling worthless. Angsty song-fic. T for implications.


Hey, there. This is the first fic I've uploaded on this account (I totally haven't forgotten my password for the other two...-shifty eyes-) So, yeah. Enjoy the daily angst in the form of a song fic ;D

As you may notice, it is not finished and I don't know whether I /will/ finish it seeing as it was meant to be a drabble one-shot. But, I think you get a good idea of what's going on from only the first verse and chorus anyway.

The song is 'Bittersweet Memories' by Bullet For My Valentine (BFMV fans unite! 3 Anyone go to one of their gigs last year? If so, you rock and get an approval cookie from me. Hell, even if you're just a fan you get one!) So, yeah. Creative title from me, huh? xD

Disclaimer: You think I'd be here if I owned anything in this?

_-Play-_

_You turn me off at the push of a button_

Akatsuki Kain lay in the tangled sheets of the bed that he had, over time, come to share with his supposed lover. At the moment, he is still, though only a mere moment ago he had been frantically caressing the still feverish skin of the one beside him, searching – always searching – for the person – for the _lover – _that he _knew_ dwelled behind the person everybody else knew the noble as – that being the one he had fallen for.

_And you pretend that I don't mean nothing. _

The reason Kain was laying completely still was to conceal his anger, again, after – once more – the blonde had easily dismissed their little 'session' of love making – or could he even call it that any more, with the way their relationship was at the moment? – for no reason other than to call their dorm head, Kaname Kuran, to 'check he was okay', as though it were something deadly important and must be dealt with before anything else – which, to them, Kain knew it was. Hence, why he sat there, trying to conceal the hurt that he still felt every time he was rejected for, or considered less important than, the pureblood. How many times would he have to sit and feel worthless whilst his other half knew full well what they were doing to him?

_I'm not a saint, that's easy to tell. _

He knew that he wasn't some highly respected and almighty blue-blooded vampire that should be treated as something near a god. But, he would have thought the one that claimed to love him would surely class him as more important, personally, than that manipulative bastard. Though, obviously not. After all, he obviously just couldn't live up to such high standards, could he?

_But, guess what honey, you ain't no angel. _

However bad he knew it sounded, though, Kain _knew_ that if he were to treat his 'lover' in the way that he was treated he would have been prosecuted as being a lot more than imperfect, by not only the one that sat chatting happily to the pureblood beside him now, acting just like the loyal little lapdog they were to him, but by his peers and even friends too. Therefore, surely it wasn't right for him to keep taking this kind of treatment in silence.

_You like to scream and use words as a weapon. _

Though, he could already carry out the conversation if he raised the issue in his mind, knowing that his partner would act just as he imagined them to because they were just that predictable. It would begin with the defensive yelling, then swiftly move onto how he _knew, _or was supposed to know in his partners eyes, that he could never be as important as a pureblood with the status he had been born with – that neither of them could. It would then move onto screaming accusations and bitching about his imperfections and then, and only then, would it turn into crying that would make Kain feel awful and force him to drop the subject – accepting all of the blame for the sake of love.

_Well, go ahead, take your best shot **woman.**_

But, this time, Kain could feel his blood boiling beneath his skin, once heated in passion and radiant with love, now cooled with another blow to his slowly shattering heart, and red with the anger that lingered within him, having built up for so long now. Was it even worth feeling this way everytime he tried to get closer to his _'partner', _or should he just give up this silent suffering and say something? He could protest at that moment, for he doubted he'd care what his 'lover' said now that he was fed up of how he was treated.

_I wanna leave you, it's easy to see. _

Thinking of it now, seriously, he could envision himself leaving in a calm and orderly fashion. Who cared if they cried? Who cared if they screamed? If his imperfections were broadcast to the whole fucking world? Because, at that moment, sitting up and listening to the sheets rustling around his body and the sound of his lover attempting to shamelessly flirt with another, he believed that he didn't give a shit what they said, or did, any more.

_But, guess what honey, it's not that easy. _

Kain stood slowly and pulled back on the boxers that had been previously disregarded, in no mood to continue when the phone had been hung back on it's hook and he was asked to pick up where they left off. He glanced to the door with a blank expression, completely tempted to leave right there and then, not giving a shit that this was his room, that he was practically nude, or that he had nowhere else to go. Though, upon his eye catching on a broken necklace placed delicately on the side, he remembered just how fragile his partner was beneath it all, and how he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he hurt them or left them alone seeing as they both knew Kuran would never pick up the pieces when he was gone – no matter how much both of them may want him to just then. So, instead, Kain found himself leaning against the window pane of the room, staring out at the night, wishing he could disappear into the darkness himself as though he had never been there to begin with.

_We get so complicated..._

How did it get to this? It had started so simply, friends who liked one another as more than friends. Lovers that loved one another as lovers. But, the novelty soon wore off, the love soon faded due to the sheer amount of anger and bitterness, having started by unrequited feelings for Kuran by his lover and then unrequited feelings and loyalty for his lover from him. But, he was in too deep, tangled in a web that he could not find it in his heart to untangle for, if he did so, he feared there would be nothing left of him.

_This thing is for our memories. _

Kain looks away from the moon that, so often, had proved to give him a silver lining in the greying clouds that seemed to always loom around his head, unable to face the light tonight because it seemed like a lie. Instead, he simply clicked his fingers, creating a simple and small flame that flickered to life and remained there, staring at it. Despite this little flame only being a tiny one compared to the many in the world, that night, it burned so brightly and strongly – reminding Kain of how it had all began – of how their relationship had been just like the flame. And, then, just as their relationship had overtime, he allowed the small flame to flicker out of existence, it's gas to fade and blend into the air, and the passion, light, and hope in it to disappear with it.

Though, knowing he wouldn't when the voice he had become so very attached to called him inquisitively, wondering why ever he hadn't waited for them to finish and why he was burning his fingers silently beside the window. He couldn't answer, couldn't bear to. This was the last straw – he couldn't cope with this any more. He did not turn fully, nor did he speak. Instead, his head turned so that he could seek out those eyes he did love so dearly, so that his own eyes could serenade them with their seemingly never-ending tale of suffering and sorrow. .

_So, rip my pictures from your wall. _

Please, I don't want to be the meaningless trinket on your arm any more.

_Tear them down and burn them all. _

Hate me, Hurt me, Help me.

Show me you don't love me the way I do you.

_Light the fire and walk away_

Take pity on me, I'd rather perish in your thoughtless anger than hang on for another second in this painful compromise.

_There's nothing left to say so..._

We both know I love you as much as you love him.

We both know our feelings will never be returned.

We both know this isn't working.

_Take the ashes from the floor_

When I am in pieces, do not leave me where I can grow again, where I can repair and reignite my love for you.

_Bury them to just make sure_

My feelings, crush them six feet under my feet so that they may never return.

_That nothing more is left of me_

You've taken my heart, my pride, my love. Now, just take the rest, they are nothing of importance any more.

_Just bittersweet memories..._

_-Pause-_

So, yeah. Unfinished. Dunno if I'll bother finishing it/if it's worth finishing it. xD

Also, I haven't named Kain's 'partner' or the gender of that person for a reason xD That reason being that this way it can appeal to everyone. If you're a yaoi fan like me, maybe it's Aidou in your mind? If not, maybe it is Ruka? Because I had both in mind when I wrote it. Or, hell, maybe it's someone completely different. Let me know which option you prefer ;D XD


End file.
